john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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