Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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