If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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