Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
barbara walters just said penis...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we should paint friendship bongs
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