Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
