Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
