I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
