Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
