If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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