i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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