he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
