I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
