May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
