Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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