I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
