I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
