You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
