Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
