I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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