Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dignity is for republicans.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
