We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
