Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
