My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
