I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
