let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
