he wants to bone in the snuggie
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
