when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
