We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
