You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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