Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
