i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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