just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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