i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize