He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
