She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am available for nakedness
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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