I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am naked and annoyed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
