I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
