I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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