people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
