Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
