she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
