Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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