so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.