The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
