Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober