I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
