I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?