i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.