Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
