Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
