i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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