This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
