Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
