Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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