Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
