hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
