So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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