My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
