would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
