We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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