thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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