i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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