Define "chronic" masturbator.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
should my penis look like a turkey
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
