went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Girls should come with a carfax report
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
