i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
