tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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