omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.