Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?