at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.