So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im calling her cock vulture from now on
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt