10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
false alarm, still single
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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