The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.