I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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