Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
