Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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