We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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